Tag Archives: pain

Refuge

It’s 32 degrees Celsius (90 degrees Fahrenheit) on a sweltering Friday afternoon. Mumbai in May is more intense and humid than any other time of year. The monsoon next month will bring much needed relief. Even the birds in the trees seem to be saying so.

I’m early for my physiotherapy appointment – after years of sitting behind a desk for a living, I’ve recently exuberantly embraced a rather intense level of physical activity. My body is not fond of the enthusiastic embrace. “No thanks, buddy. What’s the hurry?” my body’s been telling me. “After being sedentary for so long, how about we ramp things up a little bit slowly, yes? Then we can get intense, okay?” But I didn’t pay much attention.

After a couple of months of sending fairly clear and polite signals, my body says, “That’s it! Enough.” And with all the clarity in the world, it pulls the slow the f*** down lever. It usually wins this exchange. I’d like to continue to be in a healthy relationship with my body for a long, long time. Rest of my life is what I’m thinking. So, here I am at the front door of the physiotherapy department at Holy Family Hospital in Bandra, Mumbai.

Just outside the front door, a dog is taking shelter in the shade provided by an overhanging construction canopy. I’ve seen this dog before on the hospital grounds – in the evenings, I’ve seen it hanging out in the parking lot. During the day, it takes refuge from the heat under a canopy like this, or below the trees near the main gate. It’s calmly asleep amidst the noise and bustle from the hospital grounds. Feet kicking slowly in a dream, peacefully asleep.

Unlike me, this dog will not be going through those doors for a physiotherapy session – it has already learned to listen to its body when it speaks. But I don’t feel hopeless. I’m actually feeling quite fortunate – here’s this dog showing me how to be long after I’ll be done with physiotherapy. It’s a very good day.

© 2019 Marlon de Souza. All rights reserved.

Advertisements

Smaller deaths and dodgeball

Even imminent mortal death
is sometimes not enough
to break the fatal lure
of pleasure covered
pain that promises
to fully block out
smaller deaths
so let it hit
you now
instead
of the
very
end

 

 

Copyright 2018. Marlon de Souza. All rights reserved

Her

He tied her to the tree of fear,
a tree to him that was so dear,
so dear he couldn’t feel the rain;
a man who preferred death to pain.

His wife was just a piece of work,
no holy duties did she shirk;
no stone unturned for god on high,
a god that drowned her child’s own cry.

They are beyond the reach of life,
it’s time for her to quit the strife –
they will not change or let her be;
if they knew how, they’d set her free.

Now where does she go, what does she do?
Should she intellectualize it too
like her father, like his wife?
Or, will she give herself a life?

Her eyes say she is not done yet,
she endeavors daily to forget
the ways that shut out all the rain;
she wants no more to avoid pain.

© 2013 Marlon de Souza. All rights reserved.